>> News Flash! Mary-Kate Olsen Calls Wedding Off!

August 23rd, 2005 - Photos

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Paris calls off her wedding too!

Mary-Kate set to wed

 

In an announcement that stunned the world, Mary-Kate Olsen has called off her wedding to Stavros Niarchos III.

No reason was given.

I contacted my inside sources and they said the reason Mary-Kate broke off the wedding was...well let me explain how it happened first.

Mary-Kate was suspicious of Stavros. He would disappear for days at a time and give lame excuses. So she had him followed by the most famous private eye in the world, Mike Hammer.


"Who you looking at?"

Hammer returned a week later with an envelope containing photographs of what Stavros was really doing. Mary-Kate knew from the sad look on his face that it wasn't good.


Evidence envelope

With trembling hands she reluctantly pulled out the photos, opened her eyes and looked in horror at the painful images before her. She was crushed. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. She broke down and cried for hours.

Finally she pulled herself together, called Stavros, and angrily told him about the photos. She told him the wedding was off and she never wanted to see him again. He tried to explain that a man has needs and he would never do it again but her mind was made up.

What was in those photographs? I had to find out.

I contacted Mr. Hammer and, for a very large fee, he graciously agreed to give a short presentation of the photographs he took. Take it away Mr. Hammer.

Thank you Michael, ladies and gents. The word on the street was this perp was a real ladies man. But I needed proof cause I ain't no hack like that jerk Philip Marlowe -- I'm a professional. So I tailed the subject in question for a whole week.

In that week I witnessed so much depravity, philandering, and other similarly heinous acts I had a hard time sleeping at night without a stiff drink. Or two.

Those images haunt my dreams still. I can't get them out of my head. Dammit where's my flask? Here it is. Ahhh. That's better. Hold it together Hammer.

Ok where was I? Oh yeah. I have brought with me today incontrovertible photographic evidence of the depravity and perversion I have witnessed.

Ladies and gents, I give you, exhibit A....

Here we see the subject in question engaging in a deviant sex act with the exquisitely beautiful and wonderfully cruel dominatrix, Madam M.

 According to the experts, the S&M game they were playing was called, "pet the nice little doggy then make him beg."

I can only imagine what unspeakable acts of perversion that meant.

I really wanted to castrate that little pooch but I had to control myself because I had an appointment with Madam M at 4.

Here we see the perp playing a disgusting game of "hock a loogie into your own face" with his other deviant friends. Proof that this guy is a deviant.

I wanted to hock a loogie on him but decided not to. It would blow my cover and like I say, I am a professional. Better to spit on his grave later.

You may not notice from this photo, but the perp is not wearing any pants. Here's the photo I took from the rear:

That's just sick.

I felt like shoving the muzzle of my .45 up his nose and reminding him of the gorgeous dame he was engaged to, how lucky he was to get her, and how humiliating it would be for her if he ever let his thong slip.

In this photo I caught him philandering with another floozy, while at the same time making googly eyes at the waitress.

 

That's revoltin!

I wanted to punch his lights out so bad for that one, but I just got a date with that waitress so I had no time.

And finally, the final depravity. Here we see him in what the French call a two-men-and-a-dame dealio.

What can you say about a guy who doesn't know what it means when a gorgeous dame invites you to her bed to "eat my burger"?

That guy was so stupid I just couldn't take it no more. I dropped my spycam, pulled up my trousers, ran out from behind the curtain, and showed that boy how to eat a woman's burger like a real man!

Then I punched his lights out for being a perv. Broke my hand but it was worth it.

This concludes my presentation. If anyone needs a private dick you can reach me at Klondike 549. Hundred a day plus expenses. And for the last time, I don't do no missin' persons, I'm a professional!

Photo Credits: FORO OLSENING

Mike Hammer

Philip_Marlowe

Loogie

Dominatrix

Stavrosniarchosfoundation.org

 

Note: Comments are now in reverse order, newest first.

77 Comments

  1. Anonymous — September 3, 2005 @ 4:33 pm

    :shock:OMG thats just weird…. like is it real or not.. well ne wayz mk n a ROK!! so like… CYA:!:

  2. Anonymous — September 2, 2005 @ 8:19 am

    This is so stupid as if these people are going to just let someone take pics of them as he knows he is getting married they could go to to the tabloides i don’t think anyone is that dumb

  3. yoni — September 2, 2005 @ 2:56 am

    Mary-kate, thank god she did not marry that stupid creep. He is one dumb guy i mean how could anybody screwup a chance with such a gorgeous, talented & exraordinary girl llike MK. He has been seeing other girls while he was engaged. My advice to her is dump him before he hurts you and every body you love & care about . Dump him and move on with your life and don’t be sad because you deserve much better than an idiot like him.MK made a very smart move stopping the weeding, because marrying that guy could’ve been the biggest mistake in her life. And i know Mk will be very OK with out him and that she will meet the guy of her dreams a guy who can take good care of her, a guy who is there for her, who loves her and a guy she can depend and trust to take care of her as long as he lives. I know that she will find that guy very soon, she have to look no further he will come to her unexpected with great surprise

  4. lea — September 1, 2005 @ 7:08 am

    YOU GUYS HELP THE NEW ORLEANS PEOPLE!!!!!!

  5. lea — September 1, 2005 @ 6:58 am

    My BAD I mean A GUY WHO CHEAT ON A GIRL HE SHOULD BE PUNISH!!!!! sorry I meant he not she sorry folks ^_^

  6. lea — September 1, 2005 @ 6:56 am

    A guy who cheat on a girl she be punish !! I am not joking ^_^

  7. namnam4eva — September 1, 2005 @ 3:13 am

    poor mk she must of really really liked him that why she cried 4 hours

  8. Anonymous — August 31, 2005 @ 9:17 pm

    hy………….I am from Croatia….I like film avanture in n.y………..
    bok…….bye…

  9. Regina — August 31, 2005 @ 8:44 pm

    I feel sorry for mk, it moast been hard for her:???: :neutral:

  10. lea — August 31, 2005 @ 1:11 pm

    Oh yeah ! One more thing i would like to meet them but unfortunatlly i live far away, but i am still in U.S.A . Mary-kate and Ashley I know you guys are good actress make more movies. Don’t just act of your personality, act for a person who is not you or you never act that person before. Just giving good advice ^_^ spanish-adios , japanese- konnichiwwa and Korean-announg-han-ni-shi-ni-ka I am half korean by the way ^_^

  11. lea — August 31, 2005 @ 12:59 pm

    Mary-kate did the right thing to not marry that mean guy who cheat on her, I just hope god help mary-kate to find a true love who will love her back. Of course Ashley will find her lover to . I just hope that the twins can act again , I know they can do better job in acting, all they have to do is have a different personality and more serious of character in their movies of course. ^_^

  12. aaron — August 31, 2005 @ 5:59 am

    omg!marykate,ashley i love you guys so much! i would love to meet you and go MK!yeah i hope i can meet you guys soon call me!(613)396-1693 ask for aaron!

    i love you guys!mauh!

  13. MARYKATE FAN — August 30, 2005 @ 8:38 pm

    can u just ave real facts on dis site, i mean da site rules it just needs facts not made up stories :!:

  14. hihi — August 30, 2005 @ 3:47 pm

    :mrgreen: :neutral: :twisted: :arrow: :shock: :smile: :???: :cool: :evil: :grin: :idea: :oops: :razz: :roll: :wink: :cry: :eek: :lol: :mad: :sad: :!: :?: :?: :!: :?:

    SMILE! she’s not worth of that stavros!

  15. Ariane — August 29, 2005 @ 10:12 pm

    I LOVE THE MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN:!: :!: :!: :razz: :wink: :lol:

  16. Arturs — August 29, 2005 @ 8:36 pm

    pleas com:mrgreen: :neutral: :twisted: :roll:

  17. Anonymous — August 29, 2005 @ 8:34 pm

    pleas mery-kate and ashley come to latvia

  18. Magda — August 28, 2005 @ 9:17 pm

    You know be from poland have great stronke and I had translator and so, it writes for you company ltd.And you will not apprehend this that be write on it so stronce but you will see from (with) in poland company ltd. fans wejdz Olsen

  19. shuki — August 28, 2005 @ 6:02 am

    shame……

  20. Mis Mary-Kate — August 28, 2005 @ 4:32 am

    Do What you “Mary-Kate” want, is cool…

  21. Mis Mary-Kate — August 28, 2005 @ 4:30 am

    :sad: :sad: :sad:I WANT TO SEE MARY_KATE OLSEN!!! :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:

  22. rachhxxx — August 27, 2005 @ 4:17 pm

    i cant beleive he did that. Mk diserves the best always! not some jerk! lov rach ( their biggest fan ) xxx

  23. Anonymous — August 27, 2005 @ 3:37 pm

    hahahaha that was so not funny and i dont think it was approriate either.:evil: :mad:

  24. Anonymous — August 27, 2005 @ 11:07 am

    MORONS. IT’S A JOKE. SHUT UP. :mad:

  25. Anonymous — August 27, 2005 @ 3:26 am

    :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:I cannot believe that. I was really happy for M-K and then that goes and happens Saddo!:evil:

  26. rebecca leech — August 26, 2005 @ 9:43 pm

    mary-kate is a skinny byotch
    ashley is a lot better and she is smarter on who she d8s

  27. daya — August 26, 2005 @ 5:05 am

    good for u mary kate! u dont need to marry slef absorbed jerks who think that they can fool around on u! good job girl! u should have kicked his ass!!! u just let him off easy!!!

  28. Jen — August 26, 2005 @ 3:31 am

    omg , dont marry him !! ..

  29. amy — August 26, 2005 @ 12:32 am

    OMG sucha lie like a totally pathetic lie. i want some totally true goss not just some totally crappy lies. you can see like right through this that it is a lie. i am so totally tired i kinda can’t sleep so i thought i would goon this site and check out some goss.
    c ya luv amy xxx

  30. Anonymous — August 25, 2005 @ 11:14 pm

    What a load of rubbish:!:

  31. kim — August 25, 2005 @ 10:13 pm

    NOW IT IS MY TURN :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile:

  32. Anonymous — August 25, 2005 @ 9:47 pm

    buff fluff i luv mk & a

  33. Waldemar — August 25, 2005 @ 6:27 pm

    Have you got one more videos from Mary-Kate
    and Ashley Olsen

  34. Anonymous — August 25, 2005 @ 3:21 pm

    Mary-kate hope u r ok i have loved ur shows for over 8 years and ive seen nearly every movie of urs :cool: I hope every thing goes well for u Good Luck!

  35. Anonymous — August 25, 2005 @ 9:38 am

    i hope mary kate is ok

  36. irish babe — August 25, 2005 @ 5:56 am

    no matter what any1 says about mk and ashley..theyre both gr8!!!always have been and always will!!!!

  37. irish babe — August 25, 2005 @ 5:50 am

    i fink mk nd ashley rock lol.!!!

  38. Mka Owns — August 24, 2005 @ 9:39 pm

    Mary-kate is the most beutiful woman in the whole wild world! :mrgreen: mk looks like a real star and she has always been my rolemodel
    She dresses like a model. If she wears something i think looks nice(as she always do) - I try to buy something like that. Love you mk. Even if its just rumors i know u will get true it!! You have all my support i love you sinsce over 10 years bye bye love ya

  39. RUDD_JAM — August 24, 2005 @ 7:35 pm

    I doubt it U NO me and if it doesn’t matter then stop bringing it up. I think that u add a lot of entertainment value to this discussion by saying u have connections wth mk + A. So in terms being entertaining u can also put yourself down into that category

  40. morgie — August 24, 2005 @ 6:49 pm

    I told you since the biginning that these story were realy stupid and that it was very mean for mkay and ash to wright stuff like that! last time i wrote people answered me: ” have a sense of humor” well i have one actualy but i really dont thinck thats funny! if mkay was planning to get married it would appear somewhere else than on that web site so at least if u wanna wright somme stupid lies make sure they are reliable!!!!!! i think its lame nd NONSENCE! + those pics arnt real and if mkay and stravros broke up than why are they still tones of pictures of them togethere?! get a life michael nd stop inventig things sooo not funny to read! oh and i donnt believe a word of what ” u no me” says! i kow u dont care but i juste wanted to say it! bye guys! see ya

  41. amy — August 24, 2005 @ 2:12 pm

    was that realy a joke coz if itwas it was kinda heart reaking coz i’m 19 just like mk&a and that story was so stupid if it was a joke but if it was real then i feel sosorry 4 mk.
    luv amy xxxx
    p.s. micheal if that was joke then u r pretty lame to make up such a stupid thing.LAMEO:!:

  42. kc 1967 — August 24, 2005 @ 12:39 pm

    :?:I dont get it mk have wedding plans :?: :?: :?: :?: :!: :!:

  43. yoyo — August 24, 2005 @ 8:18 am

    i don’t know about this nonsense it think this a joke tell me this a joke
    mk will tell tha whole world she waz getting married or engage or something
    this waz not funny at all
    if this waz true how sad
    i don’t bleive them any more
    just garbage bring some real stories we could bleive
    :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
    but still mk is brave,atlictic
    tell me micheal is this true or not
    we want 2 know

    i don’t those pic r real look black white
    now these days is color
    video tape will help. go 2 tha murry show or something
    notting 2 say
    aka peaceout

  44. u no me — August 24, 2005 @ 7:49 am

    WELL YALL DONT HAVE TO BELIVE ME I RELLY DONT CARE BUT THE ONLY REASON I COME ON THIS SITE IS TO SEE WHAT YALL HAVE TO SAY AND MARYKATE AND ASHLEY COMES HERE TO ITS SO FUNNY HOW YALL TALK ABOUT THEM.

  45. ellyn — August 24, 2005 @ 7:30 am

    so im thinking that you should probably put a disclaimer up on this site somewhere so all these poor gullible tweens don’t believe your jokes.

  46. RUDD_JAM — August 24, 2005 @ 7:23 am

    U no me has been saying that he has connections with the olsen twins but there is no evidence to back it up.

  47. Daanish — August 24, 2005 @ 6:49 am

    i thought that this was all real…..buy it’s not.
    still i am praying for their breakup.

    if they get married…..then u are not gonna see me for a long time.

    goodbye michael.

  48. Bosley — August 24, 2005 @ 6:10 am

    Also if this girl has none mk her whole life why is she one this website…i find it fishy:oops:

  49. Bosley — August 24, 2005 @ 6:08 am

    Welll that was interesting. I like funny things. That was pretty funny. Actually im not going to lie i didnt finish it because my mamas calling me. Also i love mary-kate and if she was gettting married i would watch her wedding from a secret way….did that make sense? Oh well MK ROCKS!

  50. u no me — August 24, 2005 @ 4:51 am

    I WISH YOU HAD IT THEN WE COULD TALK FASTER AND U COULD ASK ALOT OF ?s

  51. Michael Shipley — August 24, 2005 @ 4:21 am

    I used to but I don’t anymore.

  52. u no me — August 24, 2005 @ 4:18 am

    do u have aol or yahoo

  53. Michael Shipley — August 24, 2005 @ 4:07 am

    It should show up soon. If it doesn’t I’ll send it again.

  54. u no me — August 24, 2005 @ 4:04 am

    I HAVENT GOT IT YET

  55. April — August 24, 2005 @ 4:02 am

    i sorry mk better luck next time

  56. Michael Shipley — August 24, 2005 @ 3:50 am

    Ok thanks I emailed you back.

  57. u no me — August 24, 2005 @ 3:44 am

    OK I E MAILED U

  58. Michael Shipley — August 24, 2005 @ 3:12 am

    Wow your lucky! Can you email me? I’d like to ask you a question about her.

    http://www.olsen-twins-news.com/otn-contact/

  59. u no me — August 24, 2005 @ 3:05 am

    yes ive non her my whole life

  60. Michael Shipley — August 24, 2005 @ 3:03 am

    u no me: You talk to MK?

  61. anon — August 24, 2005 @ 3:00 am

    stop writing stupid stories.

  62. u no me — August 24, 2005 @ 2:56 am

    i no mary kate and if she was getin married she would have called me and she wouldnt let the whole world no and she want be gettin married any time soon

  63. Anonymous — August 24, 2005 @ 2:02 am

    Is this true? Did Mary-Kate cal off her wedding?

  64. guess who — August 24, 2005 @ 1:45 am

    oh so u think u r lucky well i’m nineteen 2 +my birthday is on d same day as mk and ash
    :grin:
    hahaha u r sooooo pathetic:lol: :twisted:
    >>>>>>>>>>>>>> : - P

  65. Jessica — August 24, 2005 @ 12:58 am

    well,i am luckeir than all of you i am nineteen just like mk and ash:mrgreen:hahaha i am so :oops:luckey:razz:ok:roll:tell something:lol:

  66. Anonymous — August 24, 2005 @ 12:49 am

    I thought that this article was just a joke cuz i’m sure if one of the olsens was engaged it WOULD have been announced

  67. cutie — August 24, 2005 @ 12:08 am

    okay 1 word is enough : WOW
    that was funny . . . .
    rich has a point she seems way happier than like 2 months ago
    yeah dude u r d real MK and i met Elvis……..
    yeah rihgt:roll:

  68. lauryn — August 23, 2005 @ 11:46 pm

    OMG PS I’M 9TH TO COMMENT :mrgreen:

  69. lauryn — August 23, 2005 @ 11:45 pm

    um yeah can we get some REAL mka news?! :roll: jeez that wasn’t even funny:!:

  70. erica — August 23, 2005 @ 11:44 pm

    oh hex no! :mad: I’m 8th! Lucky 8 ball! :razz: bizz! :mrgreen: :!: :arrow:

  71. marissa — August 23, 2005 @ 11:41 pm

    :twisted:Oh yeah?! Well I’m seventh!!!:twisted:

  72. Anonymous — August 23, 2005 @ 11:40 pm

    OMG! GO MK! LYKE OMG! I’M SIXTH 2 COMMENT! :oops:

  73. coral — August 23, 2005 @ 11:15 pm

    5th

  74. Rich — August 23, 2005 @ 10:14 pm

    OK, like all the rest of the stories, its a joke, I know this. However… given how good M-K looks lately, in spirit as well as health and beauty wise, this guy seems to be doing her a LOT of good.
    She seems happier than she has for a long time and she certainly looks better - just compare recent pics of her with him to pics from even just a few mponths ago.
    Compare her look from TRL, for example, where she looks like a skeleton, to recent pics where she is looking vastly better - tanned, fit and (perhaps most telling) comfortable with her body in the sense that she is prepared to show it off a bit.
    Like I said, I know your piece was a joke, but given how good M-K seems to be doing, while dating this guy, perhaps a different topic would have been more appropriate.

    No offence man… :)

  75. Cindy — August 23, 2005 @ 10:07 pm

    Ha that was funny!

  76. miss j0by — August 23, 2005 @ 10:05 pm

    Uhmm owkei… Go MK!! Lol!! Wh0ooooooooooh!!!!!!!!!

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