Ashley Olsen's spokesman Michael Pagnotta has released a statement in response to PETA's accusation that Ashley is one of the worst dressed women in 2004 by wearing fur coats.

"Ashley has apologized to PETA for wearing fur. She's had a change of heart and said, 'I would rather go naked than wear the skins of animals.' "

"To prove she was sincere she agreed to appear in the latest PETA ad campaign called, 'I would rather humiliate myself by showing my naked butt than get paint thrown in my face by some deranged animal lovers.' "

"Tragically," Pagnotta continues, "while in the shower she was attacked and swallowed by a large snake. A snake we learned PETA recently let loose in it's natural habitat, central park, after 'rescuing' it from a local animal testing lab. The lab was one day away from a cure for cancer by the way."

"Fortunately, Mary-Kate just happened to be there and was able to extract Ashley from the snake. Ashley is fine now thanks to Mary-Kate. And now I will take your questions."

Reporters balked at the thought of little MK battling such a huge reptile. Pagnotta reluctantly agreed to screen a video clip of the event (explaining that Mary-Kate and Ashley are recorded at all times for legal purposes and for a possible reality show).

Pagnotta refused to release the clip to the public but did agree to release some vidcaps and a few short transcripts:

The first vidcap is the moment just before the snake ate Ashley whole:

Transcript: "<sound of teeth chattering>Uh, nice snake...p-p-please don't eat me you yucky slimy horrible thing... you know s-s-tatistically humans are not one of your p-p-prey animals and ...oh my God your eating me! And after I was all nice to ..mmrrph!"

The next one is MK getting ready to make her move on the snake. But first she trash talked it to soften it up:

Transcript: "......Ok that's it you seasick sea serpent, your going down! You've made a powerful enemy today my friend....nobody swallows my sister whole and gets away with it....Somebody hand me my drumsticks and a towel, this is gonna get messy.....<sounds of drumsticks twirling at amazingly high speed>...You think Monday is a bitch, wait'll you get a load a me you sorry excuse for a handbag....<hissing sound>...Oh, hiss at me will ya? I'll wizzleworf your fricken hoozldam Anny Conda! By the way, you should see ME naked. I'm glorious!....Yaaaaaaah!....<sounds of snake meat getting sliced and diced>"

And finally, here's Mary-Kate and Ashley all slimed up after MK defeats the snake and pulls Ashley out of it's belly:

Transcript:
Ash: "<wimpering sounds>...Ooooh my gosh...I feel terrible...thank you Mary-Kate...that thing didn't listen to reason!...ugh I need a bath..."

MK: "<pant>...your welcome Ash...<pant>...that'll teach that...<pant>...PETA (pain een the ass) snake...<pant>...to mess with my sister...<pant>!"

22 Comments

Make a comment

• i love the twins they ROCK MY WORLD!!!!

  jane — May 7, 2009 @ 1:59 pm

• hi you girls. i love you guys and i love youre movies. i have seen every single one of them. oh my god ashley, i felt so scared when i heard you were swallowed by a snake. i was about to have a panic attack.see ya.take care.

  yeli — March 20, 2009 @ 9:59 am

• i love you mary-kate and ashley like litteraly love you i want to make sweet hot love to you i want to touch you **** and i want you to touh mine. this is my dream having a lesbian threesome with you hot sexy ****** twins i just wish i can find a ***** picture of you.one more thing the thing that turns me on the most is that we have the same name ashley.
  xoxox

  we should love one another by Gods grace.

  but your either a boy acting like a girl, or a very demented girl. women cant make sweet hot love to one another, they have vaginas.

  need a ***** and a ****** for sexual relations, if you didnt know.

  But the Greatest HOTTEST SWEETEST LOVE of all, IS the LOVE of the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ IS Almighty God manifest in the flesh, and He saves by His grace. Jesus Christ KEEPS us eternally in HIS ALmighty LOVE, to all of us that are His people by His grace, to all of them first, and even to a wretch like me last of all, by His grace. Jesus Christ IS Almighty God manifest in the flesh, and He saves by His grace.

  D — November 30, 2008 @ 2:23 pm

• not ‘teeth chattering’ nothing scary about a snake.

  The Only ONE we should fear IS the Lord Jesus Christ, by His grace. Jesus Christ IS Almighty God manifest in the flesh, and He saves by His grace.

  D — November 30, 2008 @ 2:17 pm

• i love you mary-kate and ashley like litteraly love you i want to make sweet hot love to you i want to touch you **** and i want you to touh mine. this is my dream having a lesbian threesome with you hot sexy ****** twins i just wish i can find a ***** picture of you.one more thing the thing that turns me on the most is that we have the same name ashley.
  xoxox

  ashley — August 31, 2008 @ 9:27 pm

• mary ash i like both of you because u are too good i love ash v much . you guys are cooooool

  anu — May 23, 2008 @ 12:49 pm

• i love u both

  shobi — May 23, 2008 @ 12:44 pm

• marry ash i love u v much

  Anonymous — May 23, 2008 @ 12:42 pm

• I LOVE BOTH ASHLEY OLSEN AND MARYKATE OLSEN

  BILL — August 1, 2007 @ 8:23 pm

• I LOVE Marry-kate and Ashley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Autumn — August 1, 2007 @ 4:16 am

• I LOVE Marry-kate and Ashley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Madison — August 1, 2007 @ 4:13 am

• I love Ashley And Mary-Kate

  daniel — May 24, 2007 @ 12:01 am

• I H8 THIS WEBSITE ITS A PAC OF LIES EVERYTHING ABOUT THE OLSENS ITS NOT TRUE ABOUT THE SNAKE THING THATS OFF NEW YORK MINUTE AND THE PIC WERE YOU SEE THEY ARE WET THATS IN NEW YORK ON A ROAD NOT IN A BATHROOM AND THAT IS WERE THEY GET SOAKED BY A CAR ON THE PAVEMENT I HAV NEW YORK MINUTE ON DVD AND I WATCH IT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE TIME I NO EVERYTHIN ABOUT IT WOT ARE YOU GONNA SAY NEXT THEY HAVE A BATH AND FALL OUT OF THE WINDOW AO WANNA COMIT SUSIDE IN TOWLS WELL TOUGH COZ THATS ALSO ON NEW YORK MINUTE ASWELL U PERTHETIC LOOOSERS

  HEATHER — February 4, 2006 @ 7:43 pm

• i really dont want mk and ash to swear or do anything rude and i dont believ a thiing you say about mk swearing it isnt true coz in apart of it the day planner is in new york minute you stuiped people and veiwers on this website dont worry mk and ash are not rude and dont swear they are childrens stars and ashley wasnt voted worst dressed by wearing fur coasts so in ur faces you stuiped fat liars

  SOPHIE — February 4, 2006 @ 7:24 pm

• MARYKATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN YOU GIRLS ARE CO-PRESIDENTS OF YOUR COMPANY DUALSTAR WILL YOU GIRLS STILL DO INTERVIEWS APPEAR ON TV SHOWS AND DO TV SHOWS? COULD YOU WRITE TO ME ON YAHOO.COM?

  MIKE — November 4, 2005 @ 10:19 pm

• No it was a joke. PETA deserves to be made fun of. They go too far.

  Michael Shipley — December 21, 2004 @ 8:43 am

• Did she really apologize though..?

  Adi — December 20, 2004 @ 9:47 pm

• Anyone who criticizes the Olsens is gonna get it from me because I know they are good people. Wearing fur and torturing animals are two separate things and it’s not fair to terrorize Ashley or anyone else who wears fur in order to further PETAS’s extremist agenda.

  It’s not illegal to wear fur and no one should be persecuted for it.

  Michael Shipley — December 10, 2004 @ 7:52 am

• ASHLEY AND MARY-KATE ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRLS IN THE WORLD AND I LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH!

  J — December 10, 2004 @ 4:09 am

• HAhahahahahahaha!!! How funny. She is one of the worst dressed people I have ever seen though. Her and MaryKate have no sense of style.

  Julie — December 10, 2004 @ 2:36 am

• Hello? that´s so untrue!!!
  the scene is from new york minute. all the pics are from new york minute! you sucks!

  JAne — December 10, 2004 @ 12:22 am

• IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! ASIF ITS TRUE!! ASH IS GORG!!

  Lucy — December 10, 2004 @ 12:02 am

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