just some of my favorite candids

MK & Jared @ InTheStudio (GJ)
Mary Kate: I would have been fine with some foreplay tooo, just so ya know, hah
Jared: I said "Hi, how are you?"
Jared: how much more foreplay do you need?
Mary Kate: Oh excuse me, I was hoping to at least get my pants off before it was over
Jared: low blow


Mary Kate: Mostly when all this shit went down, I needed someone to talk to, I didnt even look at the list, I just went to you.
Jared: I'm borderline diabetic, I can't handle too much sweet in one day
Mary Kate: I can go super bitch again if you like
Jared: No... that's fine


MK & Jared @ Morium (GJ)
Jared: I sound old. Where's my biofocals?
Jared: bifocals*
Mary Kate: you are old.
Jared: shhhh
Mary Kate: haha
Jared: don't tell my mojo that
Mary Kate: you sitll have that?
Jared: YES
Mary Kate: hahaaha
Jared: Be nice, I'll be wearing depends and going in an old folks home next year but I'll still flirt with the nurses
Mary Kate: im nice.
Jared: uh-huh, you bratty little whipersnapper
Jared: where's my prune juice and apple sauce?
Mary Kate: dont be jealous that im young and gorgeous
Jared: hahaha


Jared: they had a little "My daddy's a rockstar" shirt
Jared: black with pink stars
Mary Kate: haha, when the day finally comes, mine will need a "my daddy's a big nerd"

Jared: MK I love you


MK & Jared @ Defero (GJ)
Jared: is dead?
Mary Kate: nope.
Mary Kate: don't allow it
Mary Kate: Jared Leto you come back to life or I'm telling your mother.
Jared: you're no fun
Mary Kate: I'm lots of fun.
Mary Kate: You just can't have fun when you're dead. Duh
Jared: it would be easier
Mary Kate: for who?
Jared: me and everyone else
Mary Kate: what about me?
Jared: hmn
Jared: I'll put you in my will
Mary Kate: BUBBIE!
Jared: you get Judas
Mary Kate: awwwww
Mary Kate: wait
Mary Kate: not
Mary Kate: no
Mary Kate: no death
Jared: pouts
Mary Kate: pouts more
Mary Kate: and more than you ever could
Mary Kate: because i have more lips than you
Jared: I'm turning it into a joke so I'll laugh
Mary Kate: i'll cry
Jared: sigh.
Mary Kate: no death
Jared: escape?
Mary Kate: from?
Jared: 30 Seconds to Mars
Mary Kate: well thats not me, so its ok


MK & Elijah @ Defero/Morium (GJ)
Elijah: That's my point. My point is...you're evil. That's my point.
Mary Kate: i may or may not be evil...the jury's still out on that one, love.
Elijah: Yeah, well, this jury has a hard line conclusion. Now it's just time to figure out if evil is a good thing or a bad thing.
Mary Kate: everything about me is good baby...you just haven't experienced it to know
Elijah: EXCEPT FOR YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONAL TORMENT.
Mary Kate: And I've barely done anything...if we were in person...mmm
Elijah: Sigh. Ick. I'm not so much a fan that you can effect me like this.
Mary Kate: why not?
Elijah: I've explained this...I like being in control. And you're making that hard.
Mary Kate: I'd say from the sounds of your frustration thats not the only thing i'm making hard
Elijah: AHAHA.
Mary Kate: it had to be said
Elijah: YOU GET A MILLION POINTS.
Mary Kate: Hell yes I do


Mary Kate:...did you?
Elijah: I don't think that's a very fair question to ask me.
Mary Kate: Why not?
Mary Kate: I'd answer you if you asked
Elijah: I guess I've just never had a girl ask me if I...er...took care of myself after she intentionally got me flustered when she knew very well I was alone.
Mary Kate: Well, I'm not like most girls.
Elijah: I'm finding this out more and more every day that passes.
Mary Kate: is it a good thing?
Elijah: Sigh, ugh, yes. I took care of it.
Mary Kate: Good.


Elijah: Maybe I'll build up defenses against you, transformer style.
Mary Kate: Hahahaa, the nerdness i adore so much
Mary Kate: Don't build defenses against me....you'll just feel bad when they don't work
Elijah: OH-HO! I'll figure out how to take you down. Give me a little bit...and some sleep.
Mary Kate: You can try...
Elijah: YOU'RE DONE. I'll go all Optimus Prime on your ass.
Mary Kate: Hahahaaaaa
Mary Kate: what happened to fighting BY MY SIDE whether sith or jedi?
Elijah: You turned the tables. You started fighting me! When was the last time you saw Obi-Wan trying to get Luke's pants off him?
Mary Kate: Han tried to get Leias off....they were on the same side
Elijah: Yeah and then Luke kissed Leia, so obviously standard operating procedures don't apply.
Mary Kate: he didnt know it was his sister, doesnt count
Mary Kate: i'm right
Mary Kate: you know it
Elijah: You're going to be the C3PO to my R2D2 aren't you?
Mary Kate: hahahaa...you are the only man I'd ever want to make out with who could get away with these references


Mary Kate: lets see how many times i can say the word fuck tonight
Elijah: Sounds like a good game.
Mary Kate: I've come to a conclusion by the way...
Elijah: Oh yes?
Mary Kate: There's going to come a day when theres a concert you want to see, some amazing live music....and I'm going to go with you...and I'm going to wear a little black dress...and no panties....and we'll play the lets see how many times MK can say "fuck" backstage.
Elijah: CAUSE OF DEATH: MARY KATE OLSEN.
Mary Kate: and you will love every minute of it
Elijah: Jesus Christ, I love you.
Mary Kate: I love you too baby. I'm gonna make all your fantasies comes true...even ones you didn't know you had.
Elijah: What the hell did I do to deserve you? Alright, I'm getting off this thing.
Mary Kate: I ask myself that question about you everyday.


Elijah: Unfortunately for my pysche I do love it. You're going to kill me one day, I'm sure of it.
Mary Kate: But you'll die happy, love
Elijah: It's true. It'll say it right on my death certificate though. Cause of Death: Mary Kate Olsen.
Mary Kate: this is the first time I've smiled all day, you're so wonderful.
Elijah: I do what I can. I'd ress in woman's clothing and dance around to the spice girls if it would make you smile.


Mary Kate: Have I ever told you how sexy you looked with the mohawk?
Elijah: No, actually, you haven't. I kinda dug it too.


Mary Kate: just wait baby, it'll be like wicked nerd foreplay
Elijah: DEAD.

Mary Kate & Elijah @ Defero (GJ) - The First Time


Mary Kate: Mary Kate decided upon leaving Billy's that she didn't want to go back home, she knew where she wanted to go, and didn't need the two pictures of margaritas she'd help finish to figure that out. She called for a cab, not stupid enough to drive with how tipsy she was. She found herself semi-stumbling out of the cab after paying the driver and making her way up to the door. She didn't even know if he'd be awake, it was late, close to midnight if not later. She smiled wide as she knocked on the door a few times, waving the driver away as she tugged her purse up on her arm. She leaned against the doorway, hard to find balance in her heels.

Elijah: It was late when Elijah finally pulled himself away from the computers, finally giving up on his music for the night. He walks up the stairs, heading for the kitchen to grab a glass of water before heading up to bed. His hairs a mess from his headphones sliding on and off, pajama pants hanging low on his hips and a threadbare Ramones shirt. The knock on the door makes him curious, the only one who ever shows around this time is Dom or Christina and he's not completely sure he wants to see either of them right now. Grabbing his glass of water, he heads to the door, opening it and his eyes widen. "MK? What are...are you okay? Nothing's wrong is it?"

Mary Kate: She smiles as she steps closer to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and kissing him lightly. "I am...wonderful" She tells him as she pulls back, a slight shiver runs through her as a small gust of wind moves up her short black dress against her bare legs. She smiles widely, the smell of lime and tequila clear if he couldn't taste it on her lips. "How are you, my Liji-love?"

Elijah: Her lips burn a little when she kisses him, and he licks his own after she pulls away, tasting the sour lime and the bitterness of the tequila she had left. He looks her up and down, he can't help but be attracted to her, but it's obvious she's a bit off her head. He smiles, chuckling a little bit and moving away from the door so she can walk in all the way and he can shut it behind her. "I'm good. Still awake, obviously, but I was on my way to bed. Did you have a good time at Billy's?"

Mary Kate: She moves inside, kicking off her shoes, unable to keep them on any longer and still stand strait. She nods at his question. "Oh yeah...I got a new pair of pants." She tells him with a giggle, pulling the black pants from her huge purse, but dropping them, not bothering to pick them up. "But...I really just wanted to see you." she says moving closer to him once more, her finger tapping him lightly on the chest as she said 'you'.

Elijah: His hands automatically slide to her waist as she steps close enough to him for him to touch her. He smiles a little bit as she tells him she wanted to see him, liking the feeling of being told he was in some way wanted by someone. Not just someone though. By MK, and that thought made his stomach jump a little bit. "So instead of going home to sleep off all the alcohol you've obviously drank, you came here..."

Mary Kate: She nods a little, pulling him close to her and placing a soft kiss against his neck. She left a trail of kisses up to his jaw, then over to his lips, soft kisses, not drunk enough for them to be sloppy, just drunk enough. She keeps nodding as she pulls back to see him. "This is where I wanted to be." she tells him softly, eyes blinking, slightly heavy from the tequila.

Elijah: His head tilts automatically to give her room to kiss his neck, letting it straighten as she moves across his jaw and lips. The burn is still there, slightly lessened this time and he licks his lips again when she pulls away to whisper to him. "Well, you're more than welcome to be here. There's a place for you to sleep, water to drink, though admittingly the company's not very good..."

Mary Kate: She shakes her head, watching his eyes. "Don't start that tonight." She tells him, wrapping both arms back around him and pulling him against her, stumbling a little, her back against the wall. "The company is amazing and I don't want to hear otherwise." She moves in and kisses him deeply before he can say another word, her tongue rolling over his lips before slipping between them.

Elijah: He about to protest, but she stumbles a little bit, back against the wall, and he holds onto her, keeping her upright. Again he's about to talk back, if only to annoy her, but she's kissing him and her tongue has slid into his mouth. His eyes close as tilts his head a little for better access and runs his tongue along hers. He pressed his body against her, the wall holding her up now as his hands move around to her back, letting the material of her dress slide under his fingers.

Mary Kate: She arches her back a bit away from the wall so his hands can hold her close. She kisses him deep and passionately, her hand sliding into his messy hair. She loved his hair, soft against her fingers and just long enough to slide her fingers through. She swirled her tongue against his before pulling it back. She kissed at his bottom lip then sucked it between her teeth, tugging just slightly before pulling back. "One more negative word." she pauses, blinking and smiling. "And...And I'm not kissing you again for a week."

Elijah: Their bodies are closer than they had been the day before, pressed hard against each other as MK arched her back towards him. He lets his lip be tugged before opening his eyes, looking at her as she speaks, eyes wide. "Bull shit. You wouldn't dare..." He knows she would though, so he keeps any more biting comments to himself. His hands are still holding her body to his, his hair now completely mussed from her hands in it.

Mary Kate: She slides one hand down from his shoulders, moving it around his back, holding his hips against hers. "I think you know I would..." She tells him before kissing him once more. "You know..." She starts pulling back. "There are a few other rooms in this house I've never seen..." She tells him with a grin.

Elijah: He raises an eyebrow at her, playing innocent for a moment. "Oh yeah? Which ones...? The dining room, I'm sure...and my office. Maybe the guest bedroom? It's got some lovely wall colors." His hands hold their hips pressed together, the fact that she's with him clouding his brain a little as he arches his hips just a little against hers, pressing himself against her.

Mary Kate: She giggles softly, knowing his game even intoxicated. "Yes...all of those, I want to see every room." She teases him, very giggly. "Give me the tour..." She leans in kissing at his ear lobe. "And maybe that tour can end in your....closet." She giggles again, lowering her chin to giggle against his neck and not his ear. "So I can steal a shirt."

Elijah: "And not my pants? For shame." He leans his head down, running his nose along the shell of her ear lightly. He presses his hips against her one last time before letting go and allowing them to break apart. Reaching for her hand, he laces his fingers through hers and tugs lightly, leading her on the grand tour as she had suggested. There's only one room in the downstairs she hasn't seen before, Hannah's guest room, which is right across the entry way. He opens the door and reaches around to flick the light. "This is Hannah's room when she decides to stay here. If I'm out of town or something and she's watching Vonne and Rascal or something. That's her poetry on the walls." He uses their connected hands to point across the room.

Mary Kate: She looks around, smiling and nodding. "I like Hannah, she's sweet." She tells him as she clutches to his hand, keeping him close to her as she walks in and looks up at the poetry on the walls, not reading, just skimming a bit, knowing in her state she wouldn't be able to comprehend it well. She turns back to him and smiles. "Next...?"

Elijah: He hits the light in Hannah's room and pulls them out of it, shutting the door behind him. "Well, you've seen all the basement, plus the rest of the first floor, so everything else is upstairs." He nods towards the stairs to the second floor. He knows his house isn't huge; he hadn't wanted it to be. The floor plan had large rooms, but not more rooms than he needed; to accommodate the studio he put in when he moved. Pulling the two of them to the stairs and upwards, he stops at the first room, his office and flicks on the light. "This is my office. It's where I do paperwork and script reading and shit like that. I hold label meetings in here sometimes." The desk is empty except for a few mismatched folders, scattered papers, and picture frames holding pictures of his family, the hobbits, the Fellowship and a framed magazine clipping sent to him by Dominic with a picture labeling Hannah as Elijah's girlfriend hung on one of the walls. It was sparse, but the less distractions he had in there, the better he worked.

Mary Kate: She nodded a little, not really going inside this time; she glanced at the pictures from the doorway. "My office is at Dualstar" She tells him. "I figure I have that there, I don't need one at home." She turns to him then glances down the hall, waiting to be shown the rest. "Oh and baby...." She starts, getting him to face her before she leaned in and caught his lips. She began to wonder if she could go a week being close to him and not kissing him as she threatened.

Elijah: He kisses her back, lightly, a hand reaching up to push hair away from her face. When he pulls away, he sighs, looking at her for a moment before using his better judgment, at least for now and tugging her hand down the hallway. He points non-committedly at the three open doors they pass. "Guest bedroom, bathroom, guest bedroom better known as Dom's room to only Dom...THIS," he points with a little more excitement. "This is my shit room. It has all my boxes of old toys and shit in it. Useless stuff I don't have a place for."

Mary Kate: She couldn't help but giggle as he showed her the 'shit room', moving to go in. "Now are these toys I can play with, or that 'collectors' shit I can't take out of the box?" She asked with a smirk, looking to him with playful eyes.

Elijah: He gives her a look, kicking lightly at her shin. "Depends on the box. Some of them are open already, there's probably an entire set of Rings ones in one of these boxes that Billy took out one day and devoted his hours to creating the action figure kama sutra. There are a couple boxes of old vinyls too, which will eventually make it into the studio to mix with."

Mary Kate: She smacked his arm playfully, eyeing the boxes. "Action figure kama sutra..." She couldn't help but giggle. "And which dolls got pairs with which?" She asked having to know.

Elijah: "Depends on the movie. I think Guard of the Citadel Pippin had a rather intimate encounter with Faramir. Fellowship Merry and Pippin were together. Usually Sam and Frodo, though I think there was ONE with Frodo and Gollum. Truly frightening. Aragorn and Arwen...there was one of Frodo, Pippin and Merry straight out of the bed scene in Return..." He considers each one with a bit of thought, trying to remember some of the horrific creations. "OH. The best though? Leggy and Gimli. UGH."

Mary Kate: She laughs so hard she stumbles, her hair falling into her face again. "Oh man, should have taken pictures of each position...." She shook her head a little, trying to calm her giggles. "Frodo...and....Gollum..." She could hardly get the words out as she laughed, holding onto a stack of boxes so not to fall over.

Elijah: He shakes his head with a grin, sliding an arm around her waist do she doesn't topple over. The boxes weren't as steady as they looked, all stacked poorly. "You're too much. Come one, stand up straight, you got one more room left in the tour and then you can settle in for a glass of water and bed."

Mary Kate: She wraps an arm around his shoulders, letting him hold her up as they start out of the room. "I'm playing with those tomorrow." She says nodding, still giggling as he flicks off the light and leads her down the hall. "Is this the...master suite?" She asks, raising her eyebrows playfully

Elijah: He rolls his eyes a little, holding her close, liking the feeling her pressed against his side. "It's my sty of a bachelor bedroom, yes. Though it's quite clean, 'cept for the stuff I wore to the premiere are still sitting out." He opens the door to his bedroom, hitting the light on and walking the two of them in. "Attached bathroom with fucking awesome shower, king sized pillow topped bed, and a closet that's in serious need of organization."

Mary Kate: She lets him go as they walk in, looking around with a big smile. "Nice..." She immediately goes to the closet. "Damn...you're messy." She teases as she fumbles around a bit and pulls out a clearly old and worn t-shirt. She turned back to him and motioned with one finger for him to turn around before she reaches behind her and slid the zipper down on the dress. She let it fall off her, pulling off the black bra as well before pulling on his t-shirt, it came down mid-ass, the black panties showing underneath the hem. "Ok...you can turn back around now." she tells him, fully covered now.

Elijah: He turns when she tells him, waiting for her, hearing the zipper on her dress slide down and then her sliding on the t-shirt. He turns back around, and the hands which hand been at his side now dig his fingers into his thighs a little bit. The shirt was a little tight on her, and his eyes trailed down her body, unable to speak. And damn if the shirt had been two inches longer it would have covered her panties, but it doesn't and the sight of them causes him to breathe in sharply. He lets his eyes trail down her legs, stopping only momentarily at the bruises and reminding himself he promised not to let it bother him. "You're...god..." He looks back up at her eyes, lost for what to say.

Mary Kate: She blinked hard, feeling his eyes on her without even having to watch them trail over her small frame. Her cheeks pinken, even with the liquor in her system she couldn't shut down with him. She looks away as he speaks, biting her lip, the slight pink on her cheeks, growing deeper. She looks back at him, catching his eyes on hers. She giggles softly. "No...Just Mary Kate." She tells him with a flirtatious grin. "C'mere..." She says, motioning for him to come to her with the same finger she turned him away with only moments before.

Elijah: He's at her side after a couple deep breaths, hands on her waist as he kisses her without so much as another word between them. He wants to show her just how beautiful he thinks she is, kissing her hard, his tongue sliding into her mouth. His hands pull her against him, one on her back and the other moving to the top of her now bare thigh.

Mary Kate: She shivers a bit at his touch, those fingers on her skin felt different than any other touch she'd had. She could feel her knees go weak at the intense kiss; she returned it after a moment, after the initial shock of the kiss died down. She slid her tongue against his, her mouth was hot and tainted with the taste of margaritas, but it didn't seem to bother him one bit. She wraps one arm around his back, resting it against the top of the loose pants, the other found its place in his hair, palm at the back of his neck, keeping him in the kiss, and not wanting it to break as she slowly backed them up. She didn't realize how close the bed was until she fell back against it, bringing him with her.

Elijah: When they fall, his arms move as quickly as they can to catch his weight as he falls on top of her. He's only able to get one under him though, so some of his weight lands on her, but she seriously doesn't seem to mind. His lips are back on hers again, one hand on her face the other sliding down her body softly and carefully, letting her control what she wanted from him.

Mary Kate: Her knees bent at the mattress, bare feet dangling off the side of the large bed as she quickly goes back for his lips. Her arms stayed wrapped around him, hand sliding under his shirt and nails grazing his back slightly as she let out a soft sigh against his lips. Her hand moved around from the back of his neck to his jaw, holding him to her.

Elijah: His toes hold him up a little, body half on and half off the bed. The fact that's its mildly uncomfortable never enters his mind, he's too focused on not breaking contact with her lips and the top half of her body. She tastes like lime and tequila, and her mouth is hot against his, her nails running over his back, and he feels almost as if his body is on sense overload.

Mary Kate: She shifts just slightly under him, letting his body rest between her legs. She bends one of her tan legs at his side, propping her foot on the side of the bed, the other still dangling. She kisses him harder, tongue colliding with his in a passionate fury.

Elijah: His hand slides up the leg that's propped on the bed, letting his fingers slide along the inside of her thigh softly now that he has more room. His body rests between her legs, tongue massaging hard against hers.

Mary Kate: She pulls back from the kiss, her head against the mattress as she looks up at him, blinking hard. She moves a little under him, sliding her body up more, her eyes willing him to move with her as she repositioned herself into the center of the bed. Her heart was racing and mind filling with images of him hovering over her. Images so real she could feel his hot breath on her skin when it wasn't even there yet.

Elijah: He shifts a little to let her move under him, getting her whole body on the bed and then he follows. His hands frame her face for a moment, looking down at her until he leans his head down, kissing and lightly biting at her neck, as he lowers his body on top of her again. Her legs part so his body can settle between them again and one of his hands slides under the hem of her shirt...'his shirt...' he thinks...and slides over the skin of her hip and side.

Mary Kate: Her eyes were bright as she watched him move closer. The way his hands cupped her face as he moved in made her feel amazing, all she could do was smile. His head lowers, mouth against her neck...she cranes it to the side, licking her lips, a soft barely audible moan slipping out as he bit against her flesh. She slides her hands down his back, finding the hem of his shirt and slowly lifting it.

Elijah: He kneels up a little when he feels her tugging on her shirt, letting his body slide out of it as she lifts, shivering a little as the air hits his bare skin. He stops himself from lowering back down at looks at her underneath him. He chokes on a laugh; this is so something he never expected to happen, ever, it's almost surreal.

Mary Kate: She pulled his shirt away from his body, tossing it up and back off the other end of the bed. She wraps her arms back around him, sliding hands against his bare shoulders. She caught his eyes as he looked down at her, the look on his face, the slight laugh. "What?" She asked softly, blinking a few times and licking her lips again

Elijah: He looks down at her, brushing hair away from her face a little. "Nothing. Just...you. And being here with you. It's...something I never thought would happen." He bends his head down and kisses her softly.

Mary Kate: She smiles against his lips, pulling him down to rest against her. As she pulled back from the kiss she tilts her head to the side to whisper against his ear. "I never thought it would either..." She kisses at his earlobe. "You're like...a dream."

Elijah: He laughs softly against the skin of her neck, kissing it lightly. "I assure you, I'm not. I'm definitely really here." He presses his hips down against hers, breathing in quickly as he does.

Mary Kate: She pulls back enough to look into his eyes for a moment before tilting herself up slightly and kissing his lips ever so softly. She held his jaw in her palm, his body heat over taking her through the worn out thin shirt of his she wore.

Elijah: With his body resting against hers, he gets lost in the moment, just lying there with her under him, hands on him. He kisses her softly again, fingers trailing down her arms and over the fabric of her shirt.

Mary Kate: She tilts her head to the side, slowly deepening the kiss. She bent her leg at his side again as her fingers sliding up and down his back as she keeps him close to her, his weight against her made her feel safe and warm.

Elijah: His hand finds the hem of her shirt again, sliding under it, tracing the top of her panties a little before sliding his palm against the skin there. His tongue slides into her mouth again, tasting her and swirling around her tongue, nipping a little at her lips.

Mary Kate: Her skin tingled, the mix of his hands on her flesh and hit teeth...those perfect teeth against any part of her. She grazed his back lightly with her nails as she pulled her lips from his, moving them to his neck. She kissed over his skin a few times before biting against him, her head was spinning, but she didn't care.

Elijah: He moans lightly when she bites down on his neck, his head tilted to the side to give her better access. Something about her teeth biting into him has him clamoring to feel more skin, lifting up his body a little and using his hands to pull at the bottom of her shirt a little, questioning with his eyes, which a now a darker shade of blue.

Mary Kate: She feels his hands moved against her, hooking onto the shirt and tugging, she lifts her body up a little to let him move it off of her. Her lips stayed against his neck, lips, tongue, and teeth working against his skin. She only pulled back when her shirt was lifted to the point that she had to break herself away from him.

Elijah: He tosses her shirt to the side of the bed before laying his body back against hers. The feeling of skin on skin is almost overwhelming and his hand smoothes up her side now without the tight shirt to hinder it. It's his turn to press kisses against her neck again, teeth biting skin lightly as his thumb skims over her now bare nipple.

Mary Kate: She lies back against the bed as he tosses her shirt away, licking her lips as he lowers his head to her neck. She sucks in a sharp breath as his teeth graze her skin and his thumb moved against sensitive flesh. Her back arches up to his hand and her bent leg hooks over his thigh to keep him close.

Elijah: His head moves down to the curve of her neck, kissing and biting at her skin as he continues to her shoulder. He kisses the front of her throat as his fingers continue to sliding along her skin, every once and a while returning to her chest, drawing small patterns over her sensitive skin.

Mary Kate: She takes in deep breaths, her hand moving up into his hair and sliding her nails against his scalp. She dips her chin down to catch his lips, kissing him passionately.

Elijah: His body realigns with hers as she kisses him again, pressing his hips against her lightly, only to moan into her mouth. His hand move to hold her face, palms cupping her cheeks and fingers sliding against the skin of her temples.

Mary Kate: Her legs tangle with his as she kisses him deeper, losing herself. As he presses down against her and moans, she can't help but lift her hips back up to him; her arms holding him close against her, chest to chest.

Elijah: His body is almost on autopilot now, thought drifting away as he tries to find where she likes to be touched. His fingers slide over her neck, shoulders, breasts and stomach, feeling her body against his. Part of him is nagging at this happening so soon after Chris, but the larger part, the part that guides his hand to the top of her panties and lets the tips of his fingers trail underneath, tells that part to shut the hell up.

Mary Kate: She arches her neck as his fingertips slide over her neck, over all the skin of hers he could seem to get to. As he brushed lightly over her chest she couldn't help but arch her back once more. She leans in, kissing up his neck to his ear, she flicks her tongue out at his earlobe before parting her lips and taking it between her teeth, dragging them down until the lobe was free. She was slowly sobering, but feeling high on something completely new now, his touch made her light headed. She didn't stop him as his fingers moved lower, moving to the silk black panties that were barely starting to dampen just from the activities before this moment.

Elijah: "Oh god, Mary Kate..." he whispers, barely audible against her ear. His fingers trail along the skin right under her panty line, his hips arching away from hers a little to give his hand a little more room. His fingers slipping a little lower, barely sliding against her as he bites down against the curve of her shoulder and then soothes the skin with his lips and tongue.

Mary Kate: She let out a fully audible moan as his teeth sunk into her skin. Her stomach tightens part nerves, part anticipation as his fingers move with teasingly slow against her skin. She let out a deep breath before arching her neck up and reaching for his with her lips. She kissed at his skin, before biting down herself. She breathed out a hot breath against the soft indentions on his neck before she rolls her tongue over them.

Elijah: He lets out a string of profanities when her teeth sink into his skin, his nerves on end with everything that she's making him feel. His fingers press and move softly against her clit, as her tongue slides along his neck, and then tilts his head again, catching her lips in another kiss, this one pressing her head back into the bed.

Mary Kate: She whimpers softly against his mouth as he kisses her, eyes rolling a bit under closed lids as his fingers move against the sensitive nub. She lifts her hips up to his hand. "Fuck....Lij...." She breathes out against his mouth before kissing him harder. Her hand holds the back of his neck, fingers in his hair.

Elijah: He lets her lift her hips up to his hand, letting his fingers slide against the side of her and then over her, his fingers moving lightly. His mouth lifts barely from hers; the sound of the word fuck followed by his name, triggering something in him, his eyes opening to look at her. "That was the sexiest thing I've ever heard, just because it's you."

Mary Kate: She let out a few deep breaths as she opens her eyes to look back at him, she couldn't help but smile at his words, licking her lips, no longer tasting the margaritas, only tasting him. "Baby...god..." She leans up and kisses him again before she continues. "You're the sexiest thing. End of sentence." She tells him, not taking her eyes off his.

Elijah: He kisses her again, smiling a little against her lips. "And surprisingly, I'm not going to argue with that cuz you'll just tell me to shut up." His head moves, kissing down her neck and along the side of her breast and then he lets his tongue slide over her nipple before taking it into his mouth. He sucks on it lightly and then bites softly, knowing from her reaction before she like the feeling of his teeth biting her.

Mary Kate: "Mmm...You’re right." She mumbles with a smile as he kisses along her neck. Her head falls back as soon as his mouth moves against her chest, taking in a deep breath, but letting it out in a moan as soon as his teeth just graze her. She lifts her hips at him again, tingles sliding through her body like a heat wave under her skin. "Damn...."

Elijah: "Was that a good damn or a bad damn..." He's teasing, he can't help it with her, and something about this is so comfortable. His teeth bite at her nipple again, this time a little harder, his tongue moving in to soothe the skin. His pajama pants are starting to get a little uncomfortable and he adjusts his body a little, gasping a bit against her skin with the movement.

Mary Kate: She bites her lip a bit as she grins, eyes looking down at him, focusing for a moment on his mouth breathing hot against her breasts. "Mm, always good." She tells him as she slides her nails down his back softly. Her palm flattens as she reaches the top of his pants, sliding her hand over the pants against his ass.

Elijah: His back arches back against her nails, loving the feel of them trailing along his skin. His tongue slides flat against the inside curve of her breast and his mouth moves near hers again. "That's good to know." He presses his lips against hers again, even with everything else, still not being able to get enough of her lips against hers. His skims over her teeth a little and his hips push down involuntarily against her body.

Mary Kate: She kisses him slow at first, deepening it. She lifts her hips to him as her tongue slides out to meet his. Her leg lifted a bit, only to lock around his thigh as her hand grabbed his ass and pressed him against her again. She could feel him hard against her thigh through the thin pants he wore.

Elijah: He breathes in hard through his nose when she pushes him against her thigh, moaning into her mouth. His other hand tangles into her hair, holding her face to his as they continue to kiss, a trickle of sweat running down the side of his face.

Mary Kate: She moans against his mouth as he moves a hand into her hair, feeling it tug just slightly. "Damn..." She speaks against his mouth before losing herself in the kiss again. She can feel the panties she wore getting much wetter as his hand stayed against her.

Elijah: His fingers slide against her, the tip of one entering her slightly before sliding back out. His toes press into the bed, the pillow top absorbing the pressure as he arches his own hips against her again. His lips pulls away, his breath stuttering across her skin and words leave his mouth before he even has the time to think about them. "I want you..."

Mary Kate: Her stomach tightens again just as the mumbled whispers slipped out with a desire she herself was feeling just as intensely. She pulled him back down, kissing him hard, almost with a force before she broke free and spoke again. "I'm yours." She tells him, eyes on his as she speaks in a low breathy tone.

Elijah: His next kiss is soft again, pouring everything he's feeling into it, her words effecting him deeper than he thinks even he knew. His hand moves from her inside panties to the side. He moves himself, straddling her legs a bit and pulling her panties down as far as he can reach from where he is.

Mary Kate: She lifts her hips as he undresses her completely, for the first time since she can remember she doesn't feel completely self-conscious being naked in front of a man she has feelings for. With Elijah it was different, she could see in his eyes that he honestly thought she was beautiful, and being near him, having that positive aura around her made her believe it too. She wiggled herself free of the panties once he slid them down, her own hands moving to push down his pants over his ass and down his thighs. Her lips never broke from his as they slowly, almost carefully strip the other down.

Elijah: She's completely at ease with everything as he takes her panties off, like she's content and calm with everything that's happening. The bad feeling part of him drifts away completely now, seeing how willing she was for this to happen. His hands help her remove his pants, kicking them off lightly when they reach his feet. His body rests against hers again and he breaks the kiss to gulp in air, the feeling of her skin shocking him. After he regains himself, he kisses her once more, softly before moving, on all fours over her, motioning his head back so she can move her head to one of the pillows.

Mary Kate: She shifts around on the bed, for the first time ever getting a full look at him, taking in every inch of his skin. He was skinny like she was...but like her he was toned with it. She leaned back against the pillows at the top of the bed. She watches him as he comes back to her, her eyes scanning over his shoulders, up his neck and focusing on his lips again, yearning for them to be back against hers.

Elijah: He moves up the bed towards her, his eyes looking up her body in front of him. He catches her eyes on him and sees her looking at his lips. Moving over her again, he leans his head down, kissing her softly before looking into her eyes. He casts a glance to his bedside dresser before looking back at her questioningly, hoping she knows what he's trying to ask her with him having to say anything.

Mary Kate: She takes in a breath as he pulls back from her, she follows his eyes to the side table then looks back to him. She leans up and kisses him once more. Her lips moving to his ear as she whispers. "I'm on the pill, so it's up to you." She tells him. She didn't feel awkward talking to him about it, talking to him about anything. She kisses a bit at his ear lobe before pulling back to meet his deep blue eyes.

Elijah: He watches her eyes for a moment before leaning down and kissing her softly, letting his body rest on top of hers. He whispers against her lips. "I trust you." With another kiss, his hand slides up her body, resting on her cheek.

Mary Kate: Those three words over take her as she closed her eyes and takes in a deep breath, kissing him softly, sliding her arms around his back and holding him against her for a moment. She slides her hands down his bare back as she slowly pulls away from the kiss, her eyes showing how much the simple sentence meant to her.

Elijah: He watches her eyes as she looks at him, seeing that something he said was actually right for once. His misfortunes with woman at this point in most situation seemed to outnumber his good calls, usually saying something completely off. He did trust her though, it was MK, and she had never given him a reason to doubt anything she had said. In his surprise, his voice is quiet, almost talking to himself. "Well fuck me..."

Mary Kate: She can't help but let out a soft giggle as he speaks softly. "Oh really now?" She asked with bright eyes and a raised brow, smirking a bit. Her fingernails played softly against his back as she watched his eyes.

Elijah: He lets out a laugh when she speaks, shaking his head a little. "If you want to..."He trails off for a moment, grinning at her.”I just...never say the right thing at this point. Hardly ever, actually. Usually I say something and it's like all Hell has broken loose. So for me to say something that might be...right? Kinda huge"

Mary Kate: She tries to hold back the next set of giggles but can't. She lets them out, but as she calms she reaches up, taking his face into her hands. "Liji...you've always said the right things to me." She whispers. "Because the things you say to me are from your heart." She pulls him to her for a soft kiss. "But...I know how you feel." She tells him, still whispering, not because she had to be quiet, but because she wanted this moment between them to be something soft and sensual.

Elijah: He leans down and kisses her, his tongue entering her mouth for a moment and he savors the kiss, hoping she understands how much she means to him. He's about to move them the next step forward, but then he stops himself, looking at her one more time. It's so him to ask, but he can't help it. "You sure you're okay with this? With us...?"

Mary Kate: She smiles up at him, running her fingers through his hair. "With us...?" She repeats his words. "I've never been more sure of anything." She tells him, nuzzling her nose against his before she kisses him again.

Elijah: He kisses her back, this time not pulling away, tilting his head automatically to deepen the kiss. Her admission eases the last of his worry, knowing now that they both want the same thing. His body lies against hers, hands in her hair now, softly letting his fingers slide over her scalp.

Mary Kate: Her eyes falls closed as he holds her in the kiss, his fingers moving through her long caramel curls with ease. She hook her knee over his thigh again and slips her own fingers through his hair a bit more, her tongue rolling past his lips as she kissed him deeply, losing all inhibitions.

Elijah: His tongue slides against hers as it enters his mouth, one of his hands leaving her hair to slide down the curves and straight lines of her body. His fingers slide over skin, his bitten-down nails not even touching her, the thinking over the last few days causing him to bite at his fingernails mercilessly. His hand stops on the side of her ass, pulling his mouth from the kiss just barely to whisper. "You're so beautiful..."

Mary Kate: Her heart skipped a beat as he whispered down to her, her lips slowly curling up into a smile before she leans up to press them back to his in a passionate lip-lock, a thank you for his words. Her sent shivers through her skin just by speaking to her. Most times when people wanted to sleep with her it was a rough thing, hard and a pleasured pain, pain just so she could feel something while engaging in such acts...but this time, she felt something already. She took in a deep breath, feeling his hand on her skin, moving gently against her, sighing back against his mouth.

Elijah: His hand moves up a little, his thumb sliding over her tattoo that he knows is there without even looking, seeing the lines behind his eyelids. It still amused him a little that they both had a tattoo in the same place. He presses his hips down against her body, breathing in hard through his nose when he does.

Mary Kate: She wraps her arms around his back, pulling him as close as he could be to her, the heath from his body mixing with her own as their skin pressed close together. He made her feel like it was the first time she'd ever been touched, overwhelming emotion seeping from her. Her heart races against his chest as her nails move gently up his back.

Elijah: He can feel the press of her nails on his skin, his feet pressing into the bed. His hand moves to hold her hip now, positioning his body over her with his lips still pressed to hers. After a moment, he pulls back, letting his eyes open and looking at her once more, making sure again before he enters her. His insecurity, while so much more lax around MK, is still present, wanting to give her enough chance to tell him to back off is she wanted.

Mary Kate: As he pulled back her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, the images she'd gotten only in an intoxicated daydream seemed to becoming reality. She gave him a soft smile with gentle eyes as she nodded just slightly. She loosened her grip on him enough so he could move against her. She reached around, taking his cheek into her hand. "Just...look at me." She whispered, wanting his eyes on hers.

Elijah: He nods barely, keeping his eyes on her, smiling a light half smile as he watches her. He props himself up on one of his lower arms, the one attached to the shoulder he hadn't screwed up, and breathes in before moving his body slowly, his hips pressing against her as he enters her. His eyes threaten to flutter close but he keeps them open, staring into her eyes.

Mary Kate: Her lips part as he pushes down, slipping in slowly, she takes in a shaky breath, but keeps her eyes locked on his as well. It was the most intimate moment she could ever remember experiencing as he was so careful with her, so gently and soft. She willed him down, hand still on his cheek, pressing her lips to his and letting her eyes close once more as she kissed him deeply.

Elijah: He kisses her back, softly and slowly, staying still for a moment and sharing how close they are together with her. This was something that was so different with her, and he felt closer to her than he ever had with someone. The amount of time it had taken for this moment and the thinking and the careful words just made it different and in some way deeper. With his lips on hers, he starts to move inside of her, slowly and gently.

Mary Kate: She lifts her legs to wrap around him, holding him to her in everyway. She didn't imagine their first time having started the way it did, her silly and tipsy, him holding her up as she stumbles...but in this moment it was all she could have dreamed it would be. She kissed him passionately, but softly, tongue moving against his gently. She slides her hand around from his cheek, back into his hair...moving nails across his neck and scalp in an almost musical rhythm as he moved inside her. She let out soft moans against his mouth, but didn't break the kiss, wanted to be connected to him in everyway she could.

Elijah: The tiredness that had been seeping through his body when she got there was now completely gone, his previous plans of reading a bit then going to bed forgotten and his whole attention is focused on her. He feels how her body reacts to him and feels the shivers that run through his body every time he moves. The hand that was on her hip slides up to her chest, his thumb running over the skin. His tongue slides along hers, not wanting to break the kiss

Mary Kate: She arches her back slightly and lifts her hips up to him, body telling him that he was doing everything right, each touch, each kiss, each movement was as close to perfection as two human beings could get in her eyes. She moved her hand against his back, nails gentle against his pale skin, hers in contrast with the tanned legs wrapped around his thin waist. She broke the kiss only to take in a deep breath and moan back out, quickly returning to his kiss-swollen lips once more.

Elijah: It felt like their bodies fit together in a way, lining up perfectly as she met every one of his motions with a movement of her own. He loved the feel of her legs around him, smooth and holding him tightly. He moved a little quicker inside her, moaning low in his throat and his kisses becoming a little more commanding, though he's careful to be gentle with her, their softness together beautiful in his eyes.

Mary Kate: She could feel the sweat starting to glisten on their skin, the body heat, the moment, the closeness, all bringing it on. Their skin clung together just as she clung to him. She slid her finger through his hair, grabbing a little as he moved faster, her lips pulling away from his, moaning out as he rubbed her the right way. She tilted her head to the side, kissing along his jaw and down across his neck, teeth dragging against his skin tongue only to follow.

Elijah: He takes the break in their kiss are a moment to breathe, taking air into his lungs quickly and deeply, tilting his head for her to get better access and moaning when he feels her teeth on his neck. His thumb moves between their chests to press over her nipple in time with his thrusts. The hand in her hair holds a little tighter, fingers pushing against her scalp. He puts every emotion he's been feeling for her for into his every movement, feeling the same from her as his body shivers in pleasure again.

Mary Kate: She breathes hot against his neck, whimpers and moans slipping out against hot silken flesh. "Oh god...Liji...." She breathes out the words, moving to his lips once more. She lifts her self to him with each thrust, the angle of her lifted body letting him press deeper into her. Her legs tighten a bit against him, clinging to his body. She kisses him with a slow desperation, needing his kiss.

Elijah: He returns her kiss, moving his other hand to hold her head as well. His body is hot, moving against hers and their chests slide together with their mingled sweat. His body shifts up just a little bit, giving him an inch or so on her and he bends his head down to kiss her, wishing there was some way he could touch more of her.

Mary Kate: Little did he know he was touching every part of her, inside and out. He'd touched her heart, a place not many people were even able to get near with how guarded she kept it. She tilts her chin as she kisses him deeply, tongue massaging against his, her eyes rolling back under closed lids as he pressed into her. The trimmed hair on his pelvis rubbed against her clit perfectly, sending shivers and waves of pleasure through her body with each movement he made. She couldn't control the moans that came from her lips; he made her lose complete control of everything...something she never let happen.

Elijah: The sounds of her moans push him forward, every sense heightened. The feel of her body, the taste of her mouth, and even her smell, which had faded from the lime and tequila to something that was purely her. Their lips still touched, barely and every once and a while their tongues would dart out and slide over each others lips, their breathing so fast and hard that neither could go very long without air. The fluttery feeling from before reappeared in his stomach, no matter how intimate they were, he was still thrilled to just be near her, to have her accepting him like this.

Mary Kate: She shuddered under him with low quick breaths as she grew closer to that ultimate point, stomach tightening under him as her body just grew hotter and damper with the sweat. She clutched a bit more to his hair, but not enough to hurt him as her nails slid down his back. She could hardly get words out, various cursing and his name in breathy moans.

Elijah: There's something about girls cursing that gets to him every time, his thrusts becoming harder with each curse she lets slide out. He loved that she was holding onto his hair, keeping his face near hers, and his eyes open to watch her for a moment, the pleasure in her face making her look even more beautiful to him. When he starts to feel himself getting close, his eyes are forced to shut again, and he starts to whisper her name against the skin of her cheek.

Mary Kate: Her head falls back a little as her back arches her body up to him when things got more intense...not believing they could for a moment, but being proved very wrong. Her mouth gapes open as she sucks in a breath sharply, crying out as she exhales. "Fuck...Lij..." Her words hardly able to be made out between the moans. Her body presses up against his as every muscle in her body seems to spasm at the same time, inner muscles clamping down against him.

Elijah: He feels her body tense under him, as he continues to thrust, she's so tight now as she comes that it only takes moments for him to follow, a loud 'fuck' echoing a little off the walls. His hips lose their steady motion and become erratic, holding his lips to the skin of her neck, breathing hard against it in short, quick almost moaning breaths.

Mary Kate: Her face contorts as he rides out the orgasm, her nails digging into his back slightly now, overwhelmed with it all. As things start to slow, her nails loosen from his skin and palms slide over his slick back with ease, clutching him to her as she pants for air, kissing at his neck and shoulder, any place her lips could reach. She ran her fingers through his hair, as the tips of her own were slightly wet from the sweat, his were too. She slowly opened her eyes, legs shaking against him.

Elijah: He's breathing hard as he comes down, hot breath against her sweaty skin, shaking a little as aftershocks course through him. When he finally has the strength, he kisses her cheek and her pulse point before letting his eyes drift open. He shivers once more, the sweat cooling now on his skin and lifts his head, staring into her eyes, breathing still a little labored. He can't help it as a sort of half-smile comes across his face, placing a drawn out kiss on her lips before whispering half-teasingly. "Wow..."

Mary Kate: She continues to breath deep and hard as he kisses her, holding his there with her hand still in his hair for a moment. As she lets him back and he speaks she lets out a breathy giggle. "More than wow...." She whispers back, her eyes locking on his as she smiles softly. She slides her hand around and holds his cheek. "That was...the most...amazing..." She gets out between breaths.

Elijah: Their eyes, which for the time being, match each other’s in intensity, stay locked on each other, only blinking when they have to. "I know..." What surprises him most is how his brain isn't as preoccupied with naming them like it was with Christina. There was no 'is she my girlfriend now? What the heck is going on?' running through his head. They were them and that was all that mattered in that moment.

Mary Kate: She moved her thumb over his cheek gently as she just looks at him. She licks her lips slowly, tasting him a bit, the room was dark and quiet around them, but their eyes were bright and light from outside shone in slightly, showing the sweat glistening still on their skin. She spoke softly as she regained composure, whispering. "It's never been like that." She tells him honestly.

Elijah: He shivers again a little, moving himself carefully out of her, and resting his weight on his arms, which now prop him up over her. "Me neither. I mean...it was different from anything else. Ever. Even stuff with Franka and Pamela. There was something...more honest about it." More words don't come to mind automatically and his fingers play with the wet tips of her hair that lie on the bed beneath her head.

Mary Kate: She nods slowly, leaning in and nuzzling against his neck as he speaks, feeling the vibrations against her lips when he speaks as she kisses slowly. She pulls back to look into his eyes. With anyone else, the comparison of herself and another woman would have bothered her, even if it was in her favor, but with him, she didn't mind, because she knew that he wasn't thinking of someone else with her. She willed him to her for another soft kiss as her body calmed, all but her legs, they had a way of still trembling after it was over when something was so intense. "That was the most...perfect moment." She whispered, the first time since rehab two years ago that she'd used the word perfect.

Elijah: He rubs his nose softly against hers, kissing the tip of it with a small smile on his face. "Exactly...perfect. Because it was with you. You make this all perfect." He yawns a little, unsure of the time, though it has to be after one, if not two by this time. He stifles a second one, biting down on his lips, which are still sensitive from being pressed against hers for so much of the time.

Mary Kate: She smiles softly, shaking her head a little. "No...Not just me." She slowly moves under him, shifting him to her side as she reaches down for the blanket and pulls it up over them, rolling to her side and curling up against him. Her head rests against his chest and arm drapes over his stomach, playing softly at his skin. "It wouldn't have been this perfect if not for you too..." She whispers, tilting her chin to kiss his jaw. "None of this would be as amazing without you."

Elijah: He moves as she does, letting her curl into his side before sliding an arm around her back, holding her close. With his head against the pillow and the blanket over him, tiredness starts to set in a little bit. He looks down at her head on his chest, her arm across him and sighs a little, letting her kiss his jaw softly. "How about we'll agree that us together are pretty amazing and be done with it?" He pulls her closer to him, kissing the top of her head lightly.

Mary Kate: She smiles wide as he speaks, nodding just a little. "Now that sounds great, love." She whispers, lifting her head to kiss his lips softly before settling back against him. She let her eyes fall closed and let out a deep breath, her body exhausted and her mind so content in where she was that it allowed her to feel tired and will sleep to come. She nuzzled against him as she took in another deep breath.

Elijah: His hand reaches up to her hair, sliding through it a little bit and feeling her relaxed against him. His eyes close as well, feeling her weight against him, and smiling, "So, you still up for surfing tomorrow? Cuz I know a great spot that I like to go to." How he can think about surfing at a time like this is beyond him, it might have something to do with how comfortable she makes him though.

Mary Kate: She smiles, face still slightly flushed from the afterglow. "I'm up for anything." She replies softly, fingertips playing at his side as she holds him against her. "But just so you know...I really kind of suck." She tells him, smile apparent in her voice as she speaks. She could feel his body at ease, knowing he felt as comfortable as she did, she could stay right there in that bed all day if he wanted to.

Mary Kate Takes Control Of Her Life


I stopped today and sat down, took a look around at my life, at my past, things that may never come in my future. Part of me wanted to go, wanted to hop the jet and find a new place to hide…I need a new place, people know of too many of my other spots. It serves me right for taking people to them.

I wanted to close all of this, to delete the journal, turn off my phone and just forget everything. I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I wish something like that was real, that you could just erase memories, erase your past and just forget it all.

It’s impossible for me to go back in time and change things that happened. But I wonder if it’s possible to really start over. One of my best friends said something to me recently. He said “you can’t always run. I've been running for years…every time someone got too close I'd push them away but then I don’t know what it was but something hit me and I just went for it. I jumped overboard and it's amazing. Just…take a chance. Take the chance on life.”

I feel like my life is controlling me, and I don’t make the decisions anymore. I feel like everything just happens to me, that everything and everyone…that it’s all moving so fast around me that I can hardly catch up…hardly catch my breath. He knows how much I run, I run to catch up, I run to escape, I run to forget.

I want to start over, I want to take a deep breath and close my eyes…I want to wake up and have everything bad that ever happened to me go away. But that won’t ever happen will it? No one can ever go back…

But I can start over. I take the chance to live my life and not be scared, not be looking over my shoulder or wondering why people talk to me. I can take the steps to be completely me and not care what anyone else thinks, not care about what I used to think or the mistakes I made. Not let those mistakes run my life anymore.

So, from this moment on…you’re going to meet a new Mary Kate, a new MK, a new Dolly. One who doesn’t let life make her run. I stepped outside and for the first time in a long time, I took a deep breath, smiled and held my head up high. I knew it would be a good day, because now, now I can really life for me.

So here I am, Mary Kate Olsen, actress, model, CEO, daughter, sister, friend…strong, safe, whole, and finally grown up.

Love me or leave me, take me as I am…and for once I will do the same.

</b>Mary Kate's upset about Ashley</b>


I feel like I’ve been thrown around in so many different directions this past couple of weeks. From sadness and anger to happiness and pure content. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions for me lately, and it left me wondering for a minute about when things are really bad where do I turn. There are only a choice few people that I turn to when I’m really upset…three of them are my best guy friends, the only three men in my life who have yet to let me down. The other is the more obvious choice, my sister.

Ashley and I used to have this amazing relationship, we could feel one another emotions from miles away, and we could tell just by the way the other took a breath what was going on. And somewhere in the past couple years all that faded. I don’t know how or when, but I know it’s gone. For a while I blamed myself, I was really sick…and I wasn’t myself, not at all…and maybe I drove her away, I made her feel like she had to stay behind and take care of me. I never wanted to make her feel like that. But then, I started thinking about it more…with some advice from some friends, and just a flat out notification from one, it came to me. It’s not just my fault.

We grew up in two different directions, maybe it’s because I took a more direct route to adult hood, while she hid who she really was from the world. While I was in and out of hospitals, in and out of relationships and various cities, in and out of drunken hazes, she was still trying to be this perfect image. It’s kind of ironic, she hid herself to try and be perfect and I almost destroyed myself doing the same thing. Sometimes I wonder if she sees that, sees how much I screwed up trying to be perfect…perfection can be perfect hell, and it’s not worth it, it hurts right down to the core of your soul. I wonder if she had some of the same problems I did, just didn’t go about things in the same way.

I worry about her, I worry about the choices she’s making and the people she surrounds herself with. I worry about the comments she makes and the things she chooses to ignore. I try to talk to her and it seems like nothing I say matters. I know she doesn’t mean to make me feel the way she does…at least I hope she doesn’t. I’d hope she hasn’t changed so much to choose to make me feel so inadequate and alienated. She says she ignores the bad in people…I wonder if she ignores it in herself as well…

I wish she could see how much it hurts me when she calls someone else her sister, someone I dislike so much. I wish she could understand how empty I feel when she’s so close with everyone but me. I try to talk to her, I try to tell her how I feel…but I don’t get much in response. I can’t remember the last time she called me first, the last time she asked me honestly how I was feeling…when it didn’t have to do with some guy. It seems that all we can talk about is a guy one of us is dating or dated in the past. We used to have so much more…we used to be able to discuss our lives, the important things, our feelings…we used to have so much more than we have now.

I never thought it would be like this with us, I never thought that she would ever choose someone else over her sister…her twin. I feel like a part of me is gone, like it broke off somewhere along the road of life and I wouldn’t know how to go back and get it. Life is a one way street, you can’t turn back, only go forward…but where does that leave me with her. I always hated being referred to as ½ of a whole, as part of something we both were. I wanted to be an individual; I never thought being one would make me feel so lost without her. I don’t want to be ½ of something; I don’t want to be ‘The Olsen Twins’ for the rest of our lives. But I want her back; I want her to see how much I miss her. I want her to see how much it hurts me. I want to look at my phone when it rings and see her name, and I want to know about her life from her, and not from my friends or in some fucking journal.

How did it get like this…how did we fall so fart apart? I don’t think anyone, not even either of us could answer that question. I don’t even think it has an answer… I looked up to her, I thought she had it all together and she was so strong and better than me. She was everything I wanted to be, everyone loved her, and she wasn’t as fucked up as I was. She was all I needed…and I can’t help but feel that I never was any of that to her. I feel like a burden on her life most of the time, and I hate myself for feeling like that. I hate myself for needing to get it out but knowing it’s going to upset her to read it. I hate myself knowing this will cause her pain. I hate myself until I begin to wonder if she will even care.

I love my friends, I love that I have these amazing, understanding people who would be there for me no matter what. People who look me right in the eyes and tell me they would cancel tours and go to the other side of the world just to be there for me if I said the word. I never would, I’d never tell one of them to drop it all for me, but knowing they would means so much. I love having people I can just crawl into bed with, curl up and cry with. People that will take care of me when I hit rock bottom and freak out and throw tables across the room, or people who see when I need help, and even when I fight them off, they refuse to let go of me. And people who take me to rooftops to break bottle of liquor just to get the emotion out somehow. I don’t know where I would be without these people; I don’t know how I could survive without them. But deep down, past all the happiness of having these amazing men in my life, I wonder, where was my sister through all this?

First Entry Ever Written - 2005


My therapist told me to write, to write it all down and take all the time I needed to try and explain it...for those who care and for me.

I feel like I've gone through so much in my life and I'm only 19. Maybe it was growing up and living my entire life in the spotlight...I don't know. We tried to be as normal as we could...whatever that is. We went to a regular school, had regular friends...but...things just got more complicated.

I still don't know if we made the right decision to skip our prom to be on SNL. I mean it's a once in a life time chance to be on the show...but isn't also a once in a life time chance to go to your prom? I feel torn a lot thinking of the past. Wondering if doing this, acting and everything all my life is what I needed.

I get these moments when I feel like I'm out of control, that I can't breathe and start to shake. I didn't even notice I shook until someone pointed it out to me. Rehab and my therapist helped me figure out why I made some of the choices I did.

When it came to my anorexia...no one seems to understand why I did it. I was more berated in rehab than anything. They thought I was a fool, the perfect girl with the perfect life. But I'm far from perfect. Yes, it was about being skinny and beautiful. But it was more than that. When Ashley and I were little, we played the same person. We were known as the "Olsen Twins" we never had separate identities.

It’s like not having control over your own life...you don’t know who you are, you don’t know why you’re even here. And maybe it started out that way, to have control over something...but then it became an addiction. It’s so hard to stop. It makes you sick to even think about eating...after a while you’re not even hungry. You look in the mirror and just see one more thing wrong, one more reason to keep going.

It wasn't long after my first time out of rehab that I moved out of the apartment Ashley and I shared for so long. We both needed our own space, and our own lives. But it wasn't long after that change that I had to go back to rehab. But this time, I checked myself in.

Being alone, not having someone over my shoulder left me free, free to eat or not eat. Free to buy the scale I didn't need and put it in my bathroom and weigh myself everytime I got out of the shower. I bought full size mirrors and put them in my closet and bathroom. I stopped buying food, I stocked up on granola bars and lots of water. And I only picked at the granola...I didn't have people over, I went to see them...would tell them I just ate and smile politely.

I stopped going to classes because I just had no ambition to do so. I failed out of most of them before just dropping out completely. I was lying to everyone I loved and cared about, my best friends, my family...all to hide this huge secret. But then I broke down when they discovered my lies, and I was so alone. I'd never felt so alone.

I kind of broke down...didn't leave the apartment for days. But in the midst of it all, I did something bad, something that scared me a lot. I cut myself. I was in the shower and let the water get cold as I just stood there, thinking about how I had no one anymore. I didn't want to exist anymore. So, I took my razor and brought it to my wrist. It wasn't a big cut...the second I saw blood I freaked out. I started shaking again and dropped the blade and just sat on the ground for a while.

The next day I looked at it and I knew, I had to go back, I wasn't better. So I left, I just picked up and left. I told only those who needed to know that I was leaving to get better, and to please not come to see me. I didn't want them to see me in there, it only made it harder for me to see someone who is healthy and normal. There I go using the undefined word again...

I fought a lot in rehab, not physically but internally. I knew cutting myself wasn't normal, I knew I needed help there. But they kept focusing on my anorexia, that wasn't the problem to me. How did eating make me better, make me not do this to myself. How could they understand. I ended up cuting again when I was there... Then I started to listen, to hear other stories and see other scars. I knew if I ever wanted to be ok, I needed to start where all the problems started.

I'm back now...and I really think I'm going to be alright. I look at myself now and for the first time in a long time, I'm not disgusted. I've put on weight, not a lot...but some and I'm ok with that. I have an eating coach who helps me a lot, and I see my therapist every week. She's great, her name is Sophia...she's had a great impact on me. I recently started back at NYU, off campus classes.

I bought a dog as well, he keeps my company in my lonely times. He's a Chocolate Lab, his name is Luca. He's become like my child...he finally stopped sleeping in my bed and has taken to his on the floor next to mine. He's so sweet and good, those obedient classes were perfect. I've already grown so attached to him, he's my new best friend.

Maybe one day I can get those friends I lost back...now that I'm stable. Just need to convince them that I am ok this time. That I'll always be sick, it's not something you can get over fully. Anorexia is like alcoholism. You're always recovering, you're always struggling. I need their acceptance more than their fake smiles and sympathy. Maybe one day I'll get it all back...including the trust I threw away with out thinking.

Here are my favourite candid & event choises of 2007 (photoshoots are coming later on)
They are in some sort of time older- very image heavy.


I liked Ashley's fashion choises during the whole year but MK made a huge improvement.



















































































































Adorable! ^



Sorry Ashley but Mary-Kate wins this one. She looked incredible.



























































Photos from olsen-fan, mkaeuphoria and olsen-files.
(Please don't hotlink so everybody gets to see.)

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen had some meetings at Fox Studios on December 8th. MK rocked the plaid again and Ashley’s outfit is awesome. The pictures of Mary-Kate with the brown bag are from a different time of day, but same place. I think the first bunch are from them heading into the studios and the second [...]

Sunday Real Estate Round-Up Luxist, CA - 16 hours ago --Ashley Olsen has picked up a four-bedroom home in the Hancock Park area of Los Angeles for $1.575 million. --from the NY Post, Madonna has filed suit ...

Ashley Olsen Buys, Sells, and Gives Up
Friday, December 7, 2007 (realestalker)

BUYER: Ashley Olsen
LOCATION: N. Mansfield Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,575,000 (sale)
SIZE: 2,332 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...exterior accented by wrought iron, casement windows, and second-floor balcony with wooden balustrades, the residence invites. Within, plaster walls with heavy massing, alcoves, and rustic beamed ceilings impart a warm, hand-crafted ambiance. A signature arch separates the LR and DR and is repeated at the fireplace. Beyond a room-like covered patio, the private, tiled pool and spa is set within a lush landscape and evokes a true tropical resort feel.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The rumors are true, children. According to Jim Nasium, a lovely gentleman who cruises and peruses the "solds" in the MLS and knows a little something about celebrity real estate, Your Mama has fi-na-lee confirmed that teeny tiny twin titan Ashley Olsen did indeed buy a modest house in Hancock Park.

To be honest, after receiving some additional information from our always helpful and always funny Fairy Godmother in Bel Air, Your Mama does not know whether we are perplexed or impressed by the modesty of Little Miss Ashley's new property. Keep in mind children, that along with her fashion disaster sister Mary Kate, these itty bitty Range Rover driving behatchas used to own a spectacular $4,300,000 Hal Levitt designed home in Bel Air and the sprawling penthouse they bought but never occupied at the butt-uglee Morton Square building in the far West Village of Manhattan is currently on the market for $11,995,000. It was also recently reported in New York Magazine that the wee millionaire recently gave up her $15,000 per month Grove Street duplex rental in the West Village.

So clearly this little ladee in a pair of high priced high heel shooz, who made a reported $17,000,000 this year, can afford something a little less pedestrian and in a far more private location. Now puppies, Your Mama has a soft spot in our cold heart for these twig sized twins. They've worked their entire childhoods, earned a few hundred million smackers and as a result they bear the awesome responsibility to support a vast network of DualStar executives, factory workers, family members, private staff and security, not to mention nearly single handedly paying the leases at Maxfield and Fred Segal with all their Black AmEx purchasing.


Anyhoo, Little Miss Ashley recently picked up this little Spanish style cutie for $1,575,000. And that's not a rumor children, that's what the tiny tycoon actually paid for the 2,332 square foot house that includes 4 bedrooms and three bathrooms. Miss Olsen purchased the house from a very successful Director or Photography and it's just our uneducated and snarky guess that she'll soon have her industrial cleaners and a team of nice gay decorators in here scrubbing, bleaching and furnishing the place to within an inch of it's life and having an army of landscapers and security experts on the premises to create a safe and private retreat.

Keep in mind kids, that the interior furnishings here are NOT those of Miss Ashley, but rather the seller of the property. None the less, Your Mama can not help but to offer a few comments. Certainly a better solution was to be found for the television shoved into the corner of the bedroom and we might have better appreciated and more contemporary and even glitzy chandelier in the dining room to offset the architecture and the organic table. Also, we happen to know there is a large and nasty pot rack above the commercial grade range in the kitchen, and who doesn't know by now how Your Mama feels about a pot rack? However, overall we rather like the stylish, quirky, easily lived in, didn't pay a decorator a small fortune vibe and Your Mama could imagine feeling quite comfortable in this little Spanish casa...even if it is in crime riddled Hancock Park.

Out back, the swimming pool is really quite lovely and sophisticated and modern looking. We even like the black bottom look and naturally we adore all the high walled landscaping around the pool deck which should allow Miss Olsen, should she choose, to sun her barely there breasts in relative privacy. Then again, almost no one tans naturally in Los Angeles anymore, do they? Your Mama adores the covered porch off the living room that provides an excellent, shady and cool spot for Little Miss Ashley to sip gin and tonics, pour over all the latest glossy tabs and entertain her latest in a long line of beaus looking to sidle up next to her bank account.

However, not all sits well with Your Mama in the back yard. The children will note that in order to get to that inviting swimming pool, one must cross the driveway and step around the big square G55. Not only that, but while sprawled out on the cushioned chaise lounge poolside, one's big dirty whips loom forbiddingly as they sit parked in the driveway. Yes of course children, the cars can always be put into the two car garage, but what if Ashley converts the garage into a monster dressing room for all her Balanciaga bags, Chanel separates and Louboutin spikes? What then?

Listing information for the property shows that the laundry is located in the garage. What?! Now puppies, Little Miss Ashley probably does not actually launder her own clothes, she's simply too pampered for that. In fact, we're not sure the clothes horse wears any one item twice, which kinda eliminates the needs to launder the designer duds at all. However, is it really fair, when you have more than a hundred million clams, to ask your housekeeper to wash the linens and bath towels in a dirty grease smelling garage? Can you pay Hortencia enough for that indignity?

Now, for all your krazy kats out there who think it would be cute to jump in your sad little Saturns and drive over to Hancock Park to catch a glimpse of this mega rich young ladee in her private habitat: Get a grip, fools. Because you can bet your mama's life that Little Miss Ashley will have this places secured like Fort Knox and if you think that three hundred pound slab of beef security guard won't break your arm if you set even one toe on the property, well you're even more stoopid that Your Mama thought. Seriously kids, there's simply nothing more justifiably humiliating than being given a public smack down because you want to see a celeb live and up close. Hunnies, please, that's what the T.V., the tabs and the internets are for.

Anyhoo, Your Mama wishes Little Miss Ashley and her big Mercedes a happy home in Hancock Park. Be sure to give Your Mama a call when you get settled because we've got some nice knickknacks for you.

P.S. For anyone curious about where the Little Miss Mary Kate and all her baubles, chains and bracelets live...she shacks up in a very, very private rental up in the The Birds.

Posted by Your Mama at 5:14 AM


Ps: i will post the article & pictures just as soon as i restart my computer
PPs: there's nothing wrong with hancock park! it's not "crime ridden" -- that's ridiculous!



what do you guys think??
it's a beautiful house, but i can see what they mean about not being very "private"
she seems really close to her neighbors. or at least, closer than someone
like ashley likes to be.

i thought i'd post some HQ & some regular size for those who don't like to click
on the links b/c it slows down there computer. enjoy

















^^it seems unnatural to see ash just take a full on drag of cigarette like that (check out the HQ at the bottom)












click on the HQ picture below!
please utilize these guys because they take me a long time to upload!
let me know if you don't think uploading HQ pictures is worth the effort,
im really trying to get feedback of the community right now, and see how you guys
would most like the community run. and im kind of one of the only people
who posts pictures along with a few others, so i need to know what you guys would like.









source: olsen-files.com (thank you!)

By mytwohands



how fucking hot is her outfit? god i love that scarf. <3 ash's style.

source: mary-kateandashleyfan.org

Mary-Kate and Ashley were leaving Fox Studios in Century City on December 8th.



And Ashley was in Hollywood on December 7th.

Hilton 'still hankers after Stavros' Ninemsn, Australia - Dec 8, 2007 Niarchos dumped Mary-Kate Olsen for Hilton, but the affair was short-lived. The pair broke up last year, ending a fiery final few weeks during which ...

December 9th:

December 8th:

December 7th:

December 6th:

December 5th:

December 4th:

December 3rd:

Credit to CelebUtopia




(thanks to everyone who emailed me about the gallery problem, it's fixed now!)

Ashley Olsen went to the hot new Los Angeles club Comme Ca last night. Love the scarf and the whole outfit. She and Mary-Kate have been looking fantastic lately! Click on the images for bigger. Source: Celebutopia Share This

it's really come to my attention that participation here at mkaolsen really isn't anything like it used to be, so im trying to see if there's anything here at the site we can do about it. so if a few of our 7,500 members could participate in this poll here, or at least comment with suggests, i would really appreciate it. i know that the community hit a major lull for a while, particularly while i was away for several months, but now we're back in actions, so i want every angle of it to reflect that.

View Poll: Improving MKAOLSEN

credit: olsen-files.com
*you can see them in HQ there, but they're just kind of fuzzy
so i didn't think it was worth posting: (HQ)

The East Hampton Star East Hampton Star, USA - Dec 7, 2007 Celebrity clients so far include the likes of Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld and Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Mr. Goldstein said seeing his customers in their ...

MK was leaving Maxfield on December 5th. She was walking, and minutes later she went to her car.

BUYER: Ashley Olsen
LOCATION: N. Mansfield Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,575,000 (sale)
SIZE: 2,332 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...exterior accented by wrought iron, casement windows, and second-floor balcony with wooden balustrades, the residence invites. Within, plaster walls with heavy massing, alcoves, and rustic beamed ceilings impart a warm, hand-crafted ambiance. A signature arch separates the LR and DR and is repeated at the fireplace. Beyond a room-like covered patio, the private, tiled pool and spa is set within a lush landscape and evokes a true tropical resort feel.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The rumors are true, children. According to Jim Nasium, a lovely gentleman who cruises and peruses the "solds" in the MLS and knows a little something about celebrity real estate, Your Mama has fi-